Remind.

These past few days have been pretty crazy to say the least. Maybe the last several weeks, maybe months.  But last week was incredibly crazy, with academics stress of 4 midterms, 2 assignments and 1 lab; with emotional stresses that added on to it. I haven't been sleeping, and I'd lost my appetite, and I certainly was pushing the limits of my body.
So, Thursday night marked the last of my midterm exams before the break, and I thought I would be relieved of my stress when it was finished. But when I went to frosh cell, I was feeling exceedingly weary, physically and emotionally. My heart just wasn't there. I was distracted. As I tried to race through and survive the busy week, all the emotional stress and worries I attempted to put aside caught up with me. I was completely burnt-out. I wanted to be left alone. I wanted to push the world away, and be in my own bubble. I didn't know what was going on anymore. I felt so weak and broken in pieces. When I walked away from the environment building, I was feeling so down, not hopeless, because I knew God was right there with me, but certainly exhausted beyond even my own comprehension. Rain started to pour from the darkened sky as if a faucet was suddenly turned on at cue, while my own faucets started running, as tears and rain mixed together as I began the slow tread back home. I let out a cry, the words inaudible, but a cry to God. I'm now a 19-year-old, but I probably broke down more often than a child that week. It certainly was a low point of the term..


That night, a few sisters-in-Christ were kind enough to allow me to come over. I needed to badly. They were kind enough to let me share until the dead of the night. Through the sharing, I couldn't help but catch myself grinning a few times, as I unleashed a lot of my thoughts and stories into the open (while struggling to keep things within boundaries). Now, I am not sure how much they got out of it, as I realize I was being really vague on a lot of things due to those boundaries, but it certainly did help me. It helped me to open my eyes and see all the things that God's been doing in my life. The ups and downs. I couldn't help but grin at some of the crazy things that had happened since the fall term. Reflecting on past memories, past struggles, I saw how through it all, God had made me stronger. God had kept His promise in rescuing me from those moments, and this was just one of those moments. God was showing me all the times that I had fallen, and how every single time, he picked me back up. His hand is always there to carry me through the struggles.

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

I can just see God scolding me, you of so little faith. I am always there for you. It's true, I haven't been trusting God will all my heart, and even thought I might think that I have been, I can't say I have. But it is through my sufferings that I become stronger, and I know God's chisel is at work through my cries and pain and He will reveal to me His power and who He wants me to be. That hit me when a sister shared this verse that night:  

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:9

God is just so amazing, because His grace is enough. Through my weakness, God was able to effectively display to me His power.


How ultimately, it is His grace alone that we have hope. It is by His grace that we can live life anew. Just amazing, His grace. We don't deserve it, by oh how He loves us!! 

Coming out of that night, I came out with renewed strength and hope, and I learned to thank God for my sufferings. I am still, suffering, but I know God is at work. And hence, I  rejoice!

~Sola Gratia.


Abe :)