When I was in Hong Kong earlier this year, I had two observations: 1. I stuck out amongst the crowd on Nathan Road in the heart of Mong Kok. No, it's not that my Cantonese ain't good enough, but because I just looked out of place, even if I am Chinese. My height, average in North America, was on the taller side in Asia, and on top of that, I had an AA hoodie over my Hollister t shirt, plus a backwards cap. Now that sort of fashion sense is kinda unseen in Hong Kong. 2. Relationships were everywhere. I stuck out being a single young male walking down the street. It's something I've noticed time and time again. Young people in Hong Kong are mostly seen to be in a relationship, holding hands, or kissing or other acts of intimacy. At the same time, it is also prominently noted in the media that sexual activity is on the rise, with pop culture influence and the lack of sex education in the city. It saddens me to know that so many of these young people are falling into moral sins, committing lustful acts and adultery.
It is also an undeniable fact that at this age, as we mature, the temptations increase and as humans are wired to make attachments, it is a time where young people begin to be consumed by attraction. Even amongst my high school friends, every time I see time, I notice more and more of them being in a relationship. Which isn't a bad thing. Relationships are designed to be made amongst people. I myself have flirted with a few potential experiences in the past couple of years. Up until recently, my concept of romantic relationships have very well been influenced by our culture, with an emphasis on emotions. It is through making and learning from the mistakes I've made that I truly begin to grasp what it means to have a relationship that truly reflects God idea of a relationship with the opposite gender.
Only lately have I realize that being a single can be a blessing. God does not necessarily call all of us to be in a relationship at the moment. Often, we feel pressured to be in a relationship because of our peers, the media or to culture. In fact, being single can be a time of joy and blessing where one may have an opportunity to grow deeper in love with our Father.
This year, relationships has been a topic of issue, and I have slowly and sometimes painfully discovered that being a Christian and being in a relationship is just about the most challenging thing, next to organic chemistry. In fact, many of what we perceive relationships to be about, influenced by our friends or movies and TV shows should not apply to a Christian relationship. The points I will talk about may see crazy to the world, but for Christians, it is practical to hold on on romantic relationships if these conditions are not met:
1. Honour God through your relationship. Most importantly, the relationship has to be God-centered. What does that mean, you ask? As Christians, Christ should be the centre of our lives, and this doubly applies to a relationship. This means that our focus should be on our walks with God, on establishing a healthy relationship with God first. Ultimately, God created everything. God creates for His glory. He created relationships and marriages. Each relationship should glorify Him. This means God comes first in the relationship ahead of your boyfriend or girlfriend. Your focus should not be solely on your bf or gf that you lose sight of Him. In fact, CS Lewis says that a "Woman's Heart Should Be So Close To God's That a Man Has To Seek Him To Find Her."
Moral of the Story is: Before you can get into a relationship with a member of the opposite gender, you need to have a healthy relationship with God first :)
2. Dating towards marriage. Nugh said. Pretty self-explanatory. This should be your ultimate goal in a relationship. With every word and action, this is what you're aiming towards in the long term. In Genesis, we know that God designed a relationship for one man and woman to be united as one flesh. If this is not what you have in mind for the prospective future, than I would have to question the time you've spent going on casual dates and where your relationship is headed.
But for clarification, I'm not saying that you should go on your first date and ask the girl or boy to marry you. That would be plain creepy. (and i guarantee you the relationship won't last long)
3. Keep it holy and pure!
I think we all know the usual deal: no premarital sex, as God designed it solely for the pleasure of a married couple. But it doesn't just stop there. When you're in the relationship, are you speaking and acting out of lust or out of purity? In 1 Timothy 5:1-2, it says:
“Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity."
This is something that really hit me until recently, but is so true! Before you are married, your girlfriend or boyfriend is still your brother or sister-in-Christ! As Timothy points out, they should be treated with absolute purity. wow. Just because, they're your gf or bf doesn't give them a special VIP pass for being treated differently than to your brothers or sisters. All this sounds harsh, yes. But God wants us to be pure. Even "normal" acts of romance, as dictated by the world should be avoided. This is so hard for the 21st century Christians, as these acts of intimacy is defined by the movies, shows, and ads we see around us. Kissing, making out or other intimate physical acts would very easily bring you under temptation, leading to impurity and would most likely cause you to sin.
2 Timothy 2:22 says: "Flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.”
Timothy says, FLEE! That means RUN! GET AWAY! It doesn't say to approach it or how close to the boundary can I get. It says, flee.
Boundaries have to be set, kept and respected throughout the relationship.
This means both physically and emotionally. We are to guard our hearts for our future husband or wife. A healthy romantic relationship should watch that boundary or margin from a distance. For with moral sins, there is no yellow warning line to tell you to move back like on the subway platforms. Once you cross that line, you fall. HARD and in the line of danger and it will have unpleasant consequences. Just as you would keep away from the edge of the platform, a relationship should also observe its sexual/moral boundaries. Otherwise, you cannot honour God and be holy and pure when dating your brother or sister!